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by foxycas121



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Um go Supernatural?, nearly 4k fic, victorian au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 11:30:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxycas121/pseuds/foxycas121
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Victorian!AU Dean is alone, his father forces him into a marriage. Dean meets the lonesome stranger Castiel. The blue eyed man offers Dean an escape.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

  * For [infidi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/infidi/gifts).



> Author notes: I worked my ass off for this, I'm in my senior year of highschool. And of course suddenly all the due dates for all my projects are in the same week (even this one). I have slept for 10 hours in the last 5 days and I did the best that I could do. The pictures I drew, they don't really look alike, I really can do better. But I this is the best I could do for now. I just didn't have the time. I am proud of what I did and I really hope you like this. Source for my drawings: http://mel-109.deviantart.com/#/d5n1lod and http://mel-109.deviantart.com/art/Destiel-Secret-Santa-p1-340058410

**Home**  
  
Dean Winchester wasn’t one for parties, it was too crowded and it was all small talks. The worst part of this all, that this was Dean’s _engagement_ party. The girl, Chantal who he was going to marry was a lovely girl. She really was, but Dean just didn’t feel it. No attraction, no lust, no feelings.   
  
Dean was standing in the corner of the living room sipping his drink, he saw faces he didn’t recognize. His father had planned it all, the girl, the wedding, Dean’s life. Everything. He knew where it all went wrong, the night that his brother and mother had died in a fire five years ago. Dean had been 15 years old back then, sometimes he wished he could’ve died in place of his brother and mother. There wasn’t a night that he didn’t dream about that night, he could never forget that night.  
  
Dean hated his life.  
  
Chantal approached him, she seemed to appear out of thin air, Dean smiled at her. He liked her, she was really nice, they shared the same interests so she wasn’t that bad. The woman was wearing a beautiful dress “Hi, having fun at the party, my love?” Chantal asked. Dean knew she just said ‘my love’ to make other people think that they were really in love, because Chantal was in love with the stable boy from the other town.   
  
“Hey, Chantal. Yeah it’s nice. Do you mind if I go outside for a bit? It’s a bit too crowded for me.” Chantal planted a small kiss on his cheek and smiled sweetly “Of course, don’t forget your jacket.” Dean nodded, retrieved his jacked and went outside.  
  
The first thing Dean noticed that there was a man standing just outside the garden petting a beautiful black horse, he approached the man “You’ve got a beautiful horse there, sir.” The man turned around and Dean’s mouth fell open. The man was stunning, blue fierce eyes, dark brown hair and beautiful pink chapped lips, the man smiled at him, Dean reminded himself to close his mouth.   
  
“Thank you, you can pet it if you want to, Sarah won’t bite.” The man said, his voice was gravelly and low, Dean snapped out of his stare and nodded. Slowly Dean reached out to pet the horse, he had never actually touched a horse, he had always admired them from a distance, his father had never allowed him to ride on one. When Dean touched the beast it didn’t react, slowly the man started to gain more confidence and started to stroke Sarah’s manes. The frown that had been on Dean’s face disappeared in instant.   
  
“See, Sarah is sweet, she won’t hurt anybody.” The man said, Dean stopped stroking the animal and turned to the man “Yeah, this is the first time I have touched a horse. My name is Dean.” Dean was a bit nervous, he didn’t know what it was, but the man was special, he was different. The man held out his hand and the two of them shook hands “They call me Cas.” Dean cocked his head “That’s a peculiar name, I like it.”

The two of them gazed at each other, Cas titled his head and asked “Do you want to go for a ride, Dean?” Dean was startled by this, why would a stranger he just met ask that? It would be rude to decline and Dean did really want to try it out. The blue eyed man was patiently waiting for the answer, Dean decided to go for it, what has he got to lose anyway?  
  
 “Yes, I’d love to do that. I don’t know how to ride on a horse.” Cas merely smiled at him “You can sit behind me, you won’t have to do anything besides hold me and don’t fall off.” Dean smiled at the other man, he felt more reassured now. That was weird though, a complete stranger making him feel safe and sound. Well, Dean didn’t care right now. He was marrying the woman he couldn’t love and he basically hated his life.  
  
“Okay, so how do I mount the horse?” The other man was already seated on the horse before Dean could finish the question. The man held out his hand, Dean took it and tried to climb on the horse. Of course, he didn’t succeed and toppled down on the snow. Cas laughed, climbed off the horse and helped Dean up.   
  
“Put your foot on my hands and then you can step up.” Cas said as he cupped his hands to get some grip. Dean nodded and did what he was told to do. He managed to get on the horse without falling, he scooted back a bit so Cas could get on the horse easier. When the other man finally was seated Dean took hold of his jacket.   
  
“You ready, Dean?” Cas asked as he got hold of the reins, Dean was a bit frightened now “Yeah, I am, don’t go too fast though.” The horse started walking in a slow and steady pace. It felt weird, Dean liked it, he found himself asking “Can we go faster?” after a minute. He wanted more and more. Cas responded “Yes, of course.”    
  
The horse increased in speed, Dean felt the wind blowing in his face. It was a cold night ,it had been snowing earlier this evening. For some reason Dean loved the winter, most people hated it, because it was cold and dark. But Dean thought it was beautiful, the snow crystals, the stars shining bright at night. He loved it.   
  
The horse galloped through the area, Dean looked around and he recognized this place, they were near the woods. When Dean was younger and Sammy was still alive, they would go here and play. They would climb in trees and play hide and seek, sometimes they’d built a fort of branches. John never wanted them to go there, so they did it all in secret.   
  
Dean hadn’t noticed that the horse was slowing down, the horse stopped and Cas jumped off the horse. Dean nearly lost his balance, but managed to grab the horse’s  back. When he had steadied himself, Dean got off the horse.   
  
“Did you like the ride?” Cas smiled cheekily at  the other man, Dean felt his stomach flutter, huh that was odd he thought. Dean nearly got lost in thought (again), but he managed to snap himself out of it “Yes, it was great. Now I want to learn it myself, father will never allow it though.” Cas said “Well, I wouldn’t mind to teach you.” The two of them shared a look, Cas was telling him with his eyes he really meant it.   
  
“That would be great, but I can’t. I’m going to have to take over my father’s business and marry this woman who I don’t even love and get children. I have responsibilities, I don’t have time for that.” Dean sat down on the nearest branch, it was cold and wet, but he didn’t care. The other man slowly sat down next to him, he whispered “It’ll be all right, Dean.”  
  
“No, it won’t. This isn’t the life I want. I want to travel, see the world. Not marry Chantal, she is nice and all, but there’s no love between us. We both know that. I just want to leave this place.” Dean confessed, he didn’t notice that Cas was staring at him. After a short silence, Cas spoke up.  
  
“You could always come with me. I have no one, I was kicked out of my family. I travel, I have seen things that you can’t imagine.” Dean looked up, his eyes met Cas’, the two of them stared at each other a long time. No words were needed. Dean reached out to take the other man’s hand, his hands were cold and thin.  
  
“Can I?” Dean croaked out, his heart skipped a beat, this was his chance. Cas slowly nodded and Dean wrapped his arms around him as tight as he could. The embrace lasted for several seconds, until Cas murmured breathlessly “Dean…Can’t…Breathe…..” Dean immediately let go of the other man and smiled apologetically  at him.  
  
“We need to leave soon then. Otherwise they will notice I am missing.” Cas nodded, they got up and mounted the horse “Let’s go to my place, I will get a bag with some clothes in it.”   
  
Dean pointed out the way to his home, Dean sneaked in got his stuff read and wrote a letter to his dad and Chantal.  
  
 _Dear Chantal,  
  
I apologize for what I am about to tell you.  
  
We don’t love each other, we never will. You love someone else, give him your love and affection. When you read this, I shall be long gone. I’m chasing my dream, I’m going to travel. We have been friends for a long time and I have to tell you, you are a great, magnificent woman.  
Don’t let anything get you down.   
  
I hope you don’t take this personally. I just had to leave, I couldn’t handle this place anymore.   
  
Sincerely,  
Dean Winchester  
  
_ Dean smiled and put the letter on his bed, then he wrote the letter for his father.  
  
 _Father,_  
  
When you find this letter, I will be long gone.   
You never allowed me to dream since the death of mother and Sammy. I never stopped dreaming. Now it’s time for me to fulfil that dream. I love you dearly, but you held me down. You forced me into a marriage, you will force me into a life I don’t want.  
  
I’m truly sorry for what happened to you. You’ve changed so much. I lost my father too that night. Don’t look for me, you won’t find me.   
  
Don’t blame this on Chantal, this is not her fault. This is nobody’s fault. I want to be myself.  
  
Sincerely,  
Your son, Dean Winchester          
  
Dean put the letter on his bed too, he grabbed his back and looked around for one last time. On his nightstand stood the only picture Dean ever owned. It was a picture of his mother, Sammy and him. Dean took the picture out of the frame and left his room, he would never return to this place.  
  
The man waited for Cas to show up, the blue eyed man had told him he needed to get some food. Dean leant against the wooden fence, he waited impatiently for the other man. Suddenly, he was afraid that Cas wouldn’t show up and leave him. All of this felt ridiculous, and stupid. Why would a stranger do that for him. Dean felt very stupid, he had made a fool of himself again. Before he started to freak out, a voice startled him.  
  
  
“Hello, Dean.” Cas appeared, he was carrying a bag, Dean felt a wave of relieve wash over him. Dean said “Thought you weren’t going to come back.” The other man laughed “I wouldn’t leave you, Dean. Let’s go then?” Dean smiled at the blue eyed man and smiled at him.   
  
The two of them walked towards Sarah, both carrying a bag, there was a comfortable silence between them. Dean realized that he was still clutching the picture of his brother and mother in his hand. He put the picture in the pocket on the inside of his leather jacket.   
  
Once they had mounted Sarah, Dean requested if Cas could wait for a moment, Dean looked around, he had spent his entire life here, he’s never been anywhere else. He could remember all the times he and Sammy had caused havoc and had fun together. Of course, he remembered all the bad times too, the times his father had told him that this was all Dean’s fault. That the death of Sammy and his mother where his fault. Dean felt his insides turn cold, he turned away from his childhood home and croaked “Let’s get out of this place, I never want to return.”  
  
The other man obliged and the horse started to walk, after a while the horse increased speed. Dean said “Go as far as we possibly can, I don’t want them to find me.” Cas merely replied “Yes, Dean.” Dean clutched against Cas, he held the other man like he was his lifeline. Dean was afraid that this was all a dream, and if it was, he wished that it would never end.  
  
When the stars started to fade and the sky began to turn brighter Cas decided that it was for the best that they would stop for now. Dean got off the horse (he didn’t fall this time). The blue eyed man found a large branch, he made a fire next to it. When the fire was made and food was warming up, Dean and Cas sat down. Both of them were cold and stiff of being on a horse for a couple of hours.   
  
The forest where they were was beautiful, the trees were massive and it all looked like some fairy tale forest. Perhaps it was a fairy tale , Dean mused. Suddenly something freezing took hold of Dean’s hand, it took him a second to realize it was Cas’ holding his.  
  
“Cas, you’re freezing, don’t you have gloves?” Cas replied “No, I had to burn them a few days ago, because there was no wood around and I was cold and starving.” He smiled apologetically at the other man. Dean chuckled, he took both of Cas’ hands in his and started rubbing them. Dean wondered why he was feeling all flustered and nervous of all the sudden. He had never felt those emotions around people, what was this feeling then? For some reason it felt familiar, Dean couldn’t put his finger on it.   
  
When Cas’ hands were all warm and nice, Dean stopped, but he didn’t let go of his hands. Their eyes met “Who was the boy on the picture, Dean? I saw you holding it before we left.” Dean was startled by the question and he was surprised that Cas had noticed the picture. He suddenly felt the urge to tell this man everything, all the tragic events of his childhood, all the blame and the few happy memories too.  
  
Dean freed one hand from Cas’, he reached into his pocket and got the picture out. He gave it to the other man, Cas studied the picture with great interest. A small smile appeared on Cas’ face, it was a sad smile.  
  
“That’s my brother Sammy, he always hated it when I called him like that, he preferred Sam. My mom always called him Samuel, that made Sammy even more upset. That’s my mother,” Dean pointed at the woman in the picture, he continued “My father took the picture, so he wasn’t there. Sammy was four years younger than me. But we got along, we always played together, he was my best friend. I could tell him everything and he told me everything.” Dean stopped talking to get himself together, he had never talked with anyone about his. His father didn’t allow him to talk to other people much and he had never known anyone who he trusted enough. He tended to keep things bottled up until he couldn’t avoid talking about it anymore.   
  
“There was an accident. One of the oil lamps fell on the floor and caused a fire. I was out that night, I wanted to be alone, so I went to the forest. My father had hit me for the first time and I didn’t want anyone to know. When I came back two hours later my father was sitting outside, our house was surrounded by people throwing buckets filled with water at our burning home…I ran towards the house, I searched for my brother and mother everywhere. I wanted to go in and get them, but someone held me back…” One single tear rolled down his cheek, Cas squeezed his hand.  
  
“They died…in the fire, our entire house burnt down.” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, the man welcomed the embrace and he just held Cas. They held each other for a long time, neither wanting to let go. Both had found someone to hold. After a while Dean let go of Cas “I’m sorry for getting this emotional, I don’t normally do that kind of thing.” He tried to compose himself, he stared intently into the fire. Their stew was nearly finished.  
  
Both men were silent for a long time. Cas gave Dean a plate and both of them ate in silence, the blue eyed man seemed to be lost in thought.   
  
“Castiel.” Cas said, Dean was startled at the sound of his voice (he really should stop doing that). Dean was confused “That’s my name, Castiel Isaac Miller is my full name. I used to have a big family, all of them were called like angels. Like me.” Cas was silent for a moment, Dean waited patiently for the other man to continue.  
  
“I have always known that I was different. I never felt the sense of belonging there. It didn’t feel as my home. Gabriel, the only sibling who I was ever close to, left one day. He said he didn’t want to be with this family anymore, he wanted to do more than just live in a town have children and die.”

Suddenly, it made sense why Castiel was travelling around the country, Dean said “You are travelling, because you are trying to find your brother.” The other man nodded and continued “Yes, I got kicked out a few months after Gabriel left. They wanted me to marry a woman and have children, but I didn’t want that. I was in love with our servant…My parents didn’t allow me to have those inappropriate relations with a servant. They kicked me out, the servant didn’t want to come with me. I remember he said that it was fun while it lasted. I was furious. So, I stole Sarah from my parents and went to look for Gabriel. This all happened about a year ago.”  
  
Dean stared at the other man, he hadn’t misheard the he, had he? He decided to ignore it for now, the man wrapped his arm around Cas’ shoulder. After a long silence Dean spoke up “We’ll find him.” Castiel looked up, he looked so sad.  
  
“You will help me?” Castiel’s voice was uncertain, but there was a little spark of hope in his eyes. Dean nodded “Yes, of course! You helped me escape, and I have nowhere to go. You are my friend now.” Their eyes met, they stared at each other for a long time.   
  
Castiel broke the silence first, he remarked “You didn’t freak out…when I said he…I thought you would leave and never talk to me again.” So Dean hadn’t misheard it. Well, he didn’t really care? How messed up could his life get, he knew it was written in the bible, but so what? The only thing Dean could lose now was Castiel.  
  
“I don’t care.” Cas cocked his head, he seemed confused, Dean understood that. So he explained himself “Well, I know it’s a sin and wrong, but you are the only one who I can lose now. And I can accept that you are interested in…men. I have never felt anything for anyone, so I can’t really judge, right?” It was odd to explain himself, he had never talked about things like this. He felt Cas needed to hear that, he felt for his new friend.   
  
“Thank you, Dean.” That was the only thing Cas said, Dean was confused “Why did you thank me?”   
  
“Because no one ever told me that they didn’t care that I don’t like women.” Cas explained, they continued their nearly forgotten meal. Suddenly Cas stood up and walked a few metres and laid down in the snow. Dean started at the man “What…Are..” before he could end his sentence Cas gestured to come over and join him. Dean came over and laid down next to him. The snow was cold and wet, Dean was cold and wet, but it was peaceful. The green eyed man stared at Castiel.  
  
What would it be like to kiss another man? Dean was shocked by thinking that, why was he thinking that? That didn’t make any sense, he had never fallen in love, surely he liked women, right? Dean dismissed the thought, this wasn’t the time to think about those things.   
  
Days passed, weeks passed, the two men started to become each other’s best friends. They travelled around, Dean learnt that surviving was quite difficult. But he loved every moment of it. There was something that changed after a week, Dean started to noticing things about Castiel. When the man smiled at him or touched his arm, it made Dean feel light and happy. He loved it when he made Cas laugh. They talked about their past, everything what they had endured. Dean had confessed that his father used to beat him up and that he blamed himself for the death of his brother and mother. Cas had told him that it wasn’t his fault, that he hadn’t done anything wrong.   
  
Right after Dean had confessed that, Castiel told him his father beat him once too.   
  
It was winter, there was another fresh layer of snow, Dean decided he would cuddle with Cas to make himself feel warmer. He wanted it, but what should he ask? But before he could think about asking, a hand found his, the hand was warm. Dean scooted closer to Cas, who apparently was an arm length away from him.  
  
“Is that okay?” Cas asked, ever since he had told the truth about his lusts and want for men, he kept asking Dean if things were okay if he touched Dean. The green eyed man wrapped his arms around Cas, it felt so good. Dean hadn’t been this close to people ever since the death of Sammy. Did he feel something more than friendship for another man? Yes, he did. Yes, he felt something more than friendship. His senses were overruled by want, he only wanted Castiel. A cold nose bumped against Dean’s.  
  
Cas’ eyes widened, he attempted to pull away, but Dean held him so he couldn’t escape. Slowly he leant towards the other man, Cas was staring at Dean intently, he leant some in too. Their lips were inches removed from the each other. Cas whispered “Do you want this?” he really seemed to want to eat Dean’s face.   
  
“Yes.” That was all it took to convince the other man, Castiel leant forward and their lips met. It was a soft and short kiss, it was gone before Dean realized.  He wanted more, he kissed Castiel back. After this short, but again sensational kiss. Dean realized something. He finally recognized the feeling what he had when he was around Cas.  
  
It was home. Castiel Isaac Miller was his home.  
  
The End.  



End file.
